Author’s Note: Look out for a more long form analysis of this series in the near future. It’s part of the reason why it’s being released now instead of on a regular Wednesday post.
Eventually, we all regret something.
Looking back, we can think of what we shouldn't have said, or shouldn't have done. Moments that make us feel like if we had it to do over again, we would've done something differently. Said it a little nicer or maybe not at all. Sadly, we can't change what happened even if we wish really hard for it. There's just nothing we can do. At least not in an attempt to erase the events themselves or people's memories of them. The only thing we can do is live with the guilt. How much guilt can depend on what we did and how badly it affected whoever we did it to. If we did something simple and forgivable, we can probably deal with the guilt in a fairly short amount of time. Whether it's apologizing to the person you said or did it to, and hopefully getting an acceptance of your apology, or making amends by replacing what was lost.
Of course, as what you did gets more serious, the less likely you are to get acceptance for what you did to them. Especially if the apology is for something that you can't return, like stealing money you've already spent or eaten food meant for someone else. The worst thing you can do is in fact hurt another person, emotionally or physically. Depending on how much emotional damage you've caused, it can take a long time to get the pain to go away or lessen enough. Hurting people physically is much worse because you can do permanent damage or potentially kill someone. That's not something you can come back from. There's no way to make up for a person dying. Even going to jail doesn't necessarily make things better.
But because of your guilt, you're going to want to find a way to make up for it. The worse the things you've done, the more you're going to want to make yourself feel better in some sense. Maybe even allow you to be relieved of the guilt. Working towards that is really hard. You have to be willing to be called terrible things and perhaps being attacked physically from people who might not want to forgive you. They might never get to the point where you want them to be. You may have to accept that others just won't be forgiving. Which doesn't mean you shouldn't try to atone for the pain and suffering you've caused.
Angel is fundamentally about coming to terms with that process of atonement. Angel, as played brilliantly by David Boreanaz, has over a hundred years of pain and suffering he's caused. People who either he killed or have long since died before he felt any kind of guilt for his actions. There's no way he can make up for what he did. The only thing he can do is learn to live with the guilt and somehow move forward from there. Hopefully by preventing other people from dying either because of demons and vampires who don't feel the kind of guilt he does or just ordinary people. Not to mention the lawyers.
In the process, he finds others who also want to make up for the mistakes they've made and prevent others from suffering. Which they are able to do to some extent, but it never feels like it's enough to make them feel better about what they did.
That doesn't mean it isn't worth trying though.
Do yourself a favour and explore the process of atonement by checking out Angel as soon as you can.
Watch Angel on Disney Plus as well as Hulu and Amazon.