Up Here and the Problem of Self Doubt

The moral case for the difficulty of dealing with doubt.

Doubt is a mother fucker.

It's something that creeps into your head from very early on. You wonder about the decisions you made and whether or not it's a good idea to do something else. Much as you might want to, you can't know that you did the right thing. Some of these doubts live with you for a long time and you keep coming back to them over and over until you're no longer sure of yourself about anything. On some level, it can feel like these doubts in your head are like little voices in your head that tell you what you're supposed to do and what not to do. They bug you at every moment any kind of choice about your future might come up. You might even come to associate them with specific people in your life.

People like your mother and father who want to give you the right answers, whether it's what you want or not. Your parents want you to choose the things which will lead you to success like money and a healthy relationship. Of course, these people themselves aren't necessarily the best examples of what a good relationship could be. They have their own doubts and insecurities. Some of which they try to put on you to try and stop you from making their mistakes. Yet their mistakes aren't yours and vice versa. Still, there are other people who can also be in your head. The best friend you made when you were a kid who wants you to do things that are fun and not necessarily what you want either.

Maybe the people who can affect you the most and will end up making you doubt yourself and your choices are your boyfriends and girlfriends from the past. There's a reason why these relationships didn't work out and part of you can't help but want to avoid making those mistakes in the future. Especially if they cheated on you or broke up with you. Though what's worse is when you leave them and the guilt you feel for breaking their heart, sometimes out of nowhere. All of them can be little voices nagging at you to do better this time or at the very least don't make the same mistakes. What's worse is that that the voices can want different things for you at different times and don't all have the same thoughts. Trying to work out how to sort through the crazy people in your head is exhausting.

Up Here is about what happens when you have these types of voices in your head. Lindsey, as played fantastically by Mae Whitman, has so many doubts about herself and her choices. She can't seem to let go of the voices in her head telling her what to do or the potential downsides of her own choices. It's almost impossible for her to let them go. Yet when she meets Miguel, played brilliantly by Carlos Valdes, she feels as though she's making the right choices. Of course, the problem is that Miguel has just as many voices in her head telling him about all the mistakes he's made or about to make.

It makes the relationship between them difficult, trying to silence the voices in their heads wondering if they're doing the right thing, but the one thing they know is that the other feels like the right person. Choosing each other doesn't feel like the wrong choice... they think.

Do yourself a favour and explore how to deal with self doubt by checking out Up Here as soon as you can.

Up Here is available on Hulu.

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